man holding girl heading towards sea

Father’s Day, Meh!

That’s right. I don’t care about father’s day. It’s a meaningless day to me!

I love being a father and a dad. I’ve been called a ‘hands-on’ dad as a compliment from my ex-wife. I was always doing all I could for my sons. I changed their diapers, took them to parks, and without coddling them, gave them love and my time unconditionally. They are two fine young men and credit goes to my ex-wife as much as me.

Public displays of Father’s day attention I consider narcissistic. Many don’t have a father. Or their father was abusive or neglectful. Their father might have passed away and it’s still painful. Do you honestly believe that publicly showing your love for your dad on social media or through public celebrations is compassionate and sincere?

I didn’t become a father expecting something in return although yes it is rewarding. It’s rewarding because my motives to raise them were always altruistic. I want them to be healthy, happy, decent men that will in turn make the world a better place by having them in it every day. Of course, I want them to appreciate the help of others and to be able to show it, however, I don’t expect it from them for me.

If they are comparing me to other fathers then that’s not healthy for me or them! It’s not a competition. The relationship between me and them is unique because we are unique individuals that are human with faults and strengths. There is no certification, manual, or training for being a father. Most of us are doing our best learning on the job!

It’s not fair to compare any relationships in-depth and then assign value to them. People that say their father is the best, make me cringe. Do they not realize how narcissistic that sounds?

Yes if they were bonding privately with a friend and talking about the good and bad aspects of their relationship with their father, that is fine, however, comparisons can be unhealthy unless handled with compassion, empathy, and understanding.

For those without a father. Those that were abused, that didn’t get to experience a great dad, then I welcome them publicly sharing their pain. I want to help and support them. I want to show them compassion and kindness.

If Father’s day is painful for what you missed, experienced, or even because your father has passed away, then I want to do all I can to help you through it.

In my case, my father loved me unconditionally. He is passed away, although I feel no pain from his passing. He wasn’t a dad. I loved him, he loved me as best he could. He had mental health issues that prevented him from being a dad. I’ve never resented nor felt any anger towards him. I appreciate what he did do as best he could.

Special memories I have of my dad are from the good times we did have although I was more of a friend than a son. It’s all good. I understood him and I have always been at peace with our relationship as it is, was, and would always have been. Having a true dad would have been better, however, I don’t envy that type of relationship. I had many other father figures in my life. It is what it is.

Ultimately a great dad does what we do out of love. Displaying that love on social media is not a way to express love in return. If you think it is, then I wonder why.